he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
