everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
