sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize