I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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