before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
