(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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