I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
