Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize