peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
