After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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