that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Congratulations! We have a period
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
