is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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