Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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