That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
