I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think people are normalizing furries
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
