do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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