I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
