I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize