he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
