The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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