question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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