id be glad to
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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