Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
