Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
