Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
