Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
