i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
