he shaved USA in his pubs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
