That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
