Me. At least after what I've been through.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
