i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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