I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this will be a night to untag.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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