Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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