So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
