So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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