Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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