thus making me awesome and them whores
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
