he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
