i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i need some magic done to my vagina
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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