ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
