I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
