if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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