Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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