she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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