If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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