We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
