did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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