Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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