I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize