I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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