I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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