I think I am morally bankrupt
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
