apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize