Your tits are I can't wait for
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize