well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
