My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
