Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize