I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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