He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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