So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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