the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Randomize
