I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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