he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize