Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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