so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
